Thank goodness I have this blog, for at present, it seems the only place I can 'speak' without having to explain or defend myself. As for my job as an on-bus aide, I never stood a chance. The meeting was a total farce. I was never once permitted to finish a sentence, as the driver and monitor (the monitor, Sandy, is also supposed to be a union rep for me!) spewed out the most vehement hatred of me, along with ridiculous and fraudulent charges. (And I'm speaking of false charges that can be proven to be such, but most likely, that won't be looked into, even if I get a chance to ask). Though at this moment I am still 'officially' with the company, I have been forbidden to board 'their' bus again; something that is totally illegal. The driver and monitor have no say in this. The meeting became nothing but a constant attack on my person (NOT about anything I might have done wrong, for I am always the first to admit to anything like that, wanting all to be safe and well), with enormous (she's beautiful but huge, like a volcano) Lisa yelling over me and everyone else. I'm a diplomat, always wanting everyone to win. I guess that isn't possible in this day and age. At any rate, it became so unbearable and stunning that I finally just walked out, unable to bear another moment of it.
What shocked me so horribly that I STILL cannot think straight (this only happened yesterday, however) is that I really, truly thought my 'kill them with kindness' approach was working. I was absolutely consistent, never varying from warm greetings and thanking them at the end of the day. The driver, Lisa, I could have expected SOME nonsense from; for she was like Mount Pele finally having a field-day destroying her island. But the monitor, Sandy; now, that was the biggest shock, as I truly thought we had a good working relationship. She always seemed very sweet and neutral. She was just as hateful as Lisa! I learned that I can be blinded by optimism, which is to me a very, very sad thing.
The most ridiculous part of all this is that it has NOTHING to do with any errors I've made (and I HAVE made errors, as I received no training at all in how to handle ASD children). From the very first moment Lisa and I were introduced, I said to her, 'I've heard nothing but good things about you'; and her skewed face just shot me daggers of hatred. I've explained this to my supervisor, but it keeps being ignored. There obviously is just something about me that she decided she despised from that first moment, and that was that. Since then, she's been out to destroy me; it has been evident every day. So, it won't be a loss to be on their bus, except I'm concerned about the children, especially 'my' child. They don't do well with change, and I know nothing will be explained to them, even though they are very intelligent.
I have tried to just 'air out' the situation (NOT looking for solutions; just needing to vent and be heard, as no one would listen to a word I said in the meeting), and even THEY are behaving as if I want to 'fix' the situation with these two women (I even have submitted in writing that I desire nor expect such a thing; how can one change a person?), and so I end up being lectured to about how I cannot do that, when I know it better than anyone. My oldest, dearest, bestest friend; who had me reserve this weekend to go see 'Hereafter' with her, lectured me and then blew the weekend off! I've had several other opportunities to see this film with others, but told them it was reserved for her. It'll be gone before she's ready to see me; it seems she gets personally upset whenever something isn't right in my life, no matter how calmly or sanely I put it to her.
It's not that I cannot handle things on my own, for I can; but the stress has been so enormous it would be nice to just have someone to rant with, y'know?
So, anyone feel up to a rant? How are you all doing?